building genuine relationships, pt 5

©2021 dan bulkley | ask@lifefellowship.org

love and hate

section 1

Our understanding of the words "love" and "hate", "like" and "dislike", "affection" and "animosity" and even "indifference" are very much caught up in our own experiences, feelings, expectations and limited concepts of what those virtues and vices really are. This is why the Lord HAD to specifically demonstrate HIS love so that we might begin to understand the Truth of what love is i john 4:10 i corinthians 13:4 i corinthians 13: 6-8 and what it isn’t i corinthians 13:4-6 based on Him rather than ourselves i john 3:16.

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supporting scriptures

i john 4:10

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

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i corinthians 13:4

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

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i corinthians 13: 6-8

it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

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i corinthians 13:4-6

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

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i john 3:16

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers

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section 2

Our English word "love" is obviously a very much overused word that has been confused apart from the Truth ii john 1:1 i john 3:18. But there are ancient Biblical words and descriptions of love that are helpful to look at so that we might look in the mirror of Scripture james 1:22-25 and know if we are truly loving as to build genuine relationships God’s way or if we are loving our way and for that reason being frustrated in our attempts to build godly relationships psalm 81:10-16 deuteronomy 12:8 deuteronomy 12: 28.

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supporting scriptures

ii john 1:1

The elder to the elect lady and her children, whom I love in truth, and not only I, but also all who know the truth...

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i john 3:18

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

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james 1:22-25

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24 For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25 But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

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psalm 81:10-16

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

11 "But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me.

12 So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels.

13 Oh, that my people would listen to me, that Israel would walk in my ways!

14 I would soon subdue their enemies and turn my hand against their foes.

15 Those who hate the LORD would cringe toward him, and their fate would last forever.

16 But he would feed you with the finest of the wheat, and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.

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deuteronomy 12:8

"You shall not do according to all that we are doing here today, everyone doing whatever is right in his own eyes...

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deuteronomy 12: 28

Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the LORD your God.

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section 3

Love and hate is not a simple thing and so appropriately there are various ancient words with various nuances just as we do in the modern English. Here we will look at some of these words, their definitions, Biblical uses and Biblical descriptions:

my notes:

love

section 4

storge

A natural attachment from natural relations, natural affection- {Philastorgos- Friendship of family} romans 12:10 isaiah 49:15-16, {Astorgos- no natural affection} romans 1:31 ii timothy 3:3

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supporting scriptures

romans 12:10

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

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isaiah 49:15-16

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

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romans 1:31

foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

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ii timothy 3:3

heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good...

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section 5

dodayik

Sexual love, physical attraction, love-intoxication, one-flesh relations between a husband and wife song of solomon 1:2-4 song of solomon 4:10 song of solomon 5:1 proverbs 5:18-19 genesis 2:24-25 i corinthians 7:3-4, {Pathos/Eros- Selfish Passion, instinctual, yearning, fragile, disingenuous} i thessalonians 4:3-6 ii samuel 13:1 ii samuel 13: 15

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supporting scriptures

song of solomon 1:2-4

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine;

3 your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you.

4 Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers.

OTHERS

We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you.

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song of solomon 4:10

How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!

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song of solomon 5:1

I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.

OTHERS

Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love!

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proverbs 5:18-19

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love

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genesis 2:24-25

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

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i corinthians 7:3-4

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

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i thessalonians 4:3-6

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.

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ii samuel 13:1

Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her.

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ii samuel 13: 15

Then Amnon hated her with very great hatred, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Get up! Go!"

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section 6

phileo

Affection in brotherly, familial friendship that comes from an ongoing relationship titus 3:15 revelation 3:19 hebrews 12:5-11 proverbs 27:5-6 i thessalonians 2:7-8 i thessalonians 2: 11-13

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supporting scriptures

titus 3:15

All who are with me send greetings to you. Greet those who love us in the faith. Grace be with you all.

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revelation 3:19

Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

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hebrews 12:5-11

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.

6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

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proverbs 27:5-6

Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

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i thessalonians 2:7-8

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.

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i thessalonians 2: 11-13

For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

13 And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.

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my notes:

section 7

khesed

Initiating, durable, faithful, generous, compelling, hope-filled for reciprocation, relational psalm 136 nehemiah 1:5 daniel 9:4 ii corinthians 5:14 exodus 34:6 ruth 3:10 genesis 32:10 numbers 14:19 jeremiah 31:3

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supporting scriptures

psalm 136

(too long to include here)

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nehemiah 1:5

And I said, "O LORD God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments...

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daniel 9:4

I prayed to the LORD my God and made confession, saying, "O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments...

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ii corinthians 5:14

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died;...

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exodus 34:6

The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness...

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ruth 3:10

And he said, "May you be blessed by the LORD, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich

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genesis 32:10

I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.

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numbers 14:19

Please pardon the iniquity of this people, according to the greatness of your steadfast love, just as you have forgiven this people, from Egypt until now."

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jeremiah 31:3

the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

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my notes:

section 8

ahavah

Care for another, characteristic affection, covenantal, volitional, responsive to God’s love, seeking the other’s good deuteronomy 7:7-8 deuteronomy 4:37 deuteronomy 10:12-13 leviticus 19:18 leviticus 19: 33-34 jeremiah 31:3 i john 4:19

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supporting scriptures

deuteronomy 7:7-8

It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, 8 but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

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deuteronomy 4:37

And because he loved your fathers and chose their offspring after them and brought you out of Egypt with his own presence, by his great power...

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deuteronomy 10:12-13

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, 13 and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?

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my notes:

leviticus 19:18

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

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leviticus 19: 33-34

"When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. 34 You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

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jeremiah 31:3

the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

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i john 4:19

We love because he first loved us.

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my notes:

section 9

rakhmah-aramaic- ahavah, agape

Agape- A whole-soul, characteristical love that is decisive, intentional and fully committed to fulfilling the best, eternal interests of others especially at the cost of one’s own immediate interests. It is choosing other’s eternal good in attitude, thought, plans, actions, etc. rather than one’s own self-interests. It is choosing others over one’s self in hopes of genuine, eternal relationship at the risk of the immediate-life loss and perhaps never having the love reciprocated. romans 5:8 i john 4:9-11 romans 9:1-3 i peter 2:19-25 philippians 2:20-21 i corinthians 10:24

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supporting scriptures

romans 5:8

but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

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i john 4:9-11

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another

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romans 9:1-3

I am speaking the truth in Christ—I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit— 2 that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. 3 For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.

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i peter 2:19-25

For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. 20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 25 For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

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philippians 2:20-21

For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. 21 For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

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i corinthians 10:24

Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.

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my notes:

hate

section 10

stugetus

Hateful, malicious titus 3:3, {Theostuges- Hating God} romans 1:30

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supporting scriptures

titus 3:3

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.

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romans 1:30

slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents...

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section 11

ecthra

Hostility, hateful, enmity, active harm romans 8:7

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supporting scriptures

romans 8:7

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot.

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section 12

eritheia

Selfish ambition, self-seeking romans 2:8 galatians 5:20

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supporting scriptures

romans 2:8

but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.

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galatians 5:20

idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions...

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section 13

philautoi

Self-love ii timothy 3:2

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supporting scriptures

ii timothy 3:2

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy...

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my notes:

section 14

apostugeo

Repulsion, desire to avoid, get away from romans 12:9

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supporting scriptures

romans 12:9

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

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section 15

miseo

Choosing to forsake or renounce one choice in favor of another romans 9:13 genesis 29:30-31 deuteronomy 21:15. Opportunity Cost. It is not necessarily an emotional loathing, ill-will or repulsion, but a conscience choice between two incompatible, irreconcilable choices. While it can involve emotions or just be indifferent, the hate is simply the choosing of one over another matthew 6:24 luke 14:26-33 proverbs 18:1 proverbs 28:13

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supporting scriptures

romans 9:13

As it is written, "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.

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genesis 29:30-31

So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah, and served Laban for another seven years.

31 When the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.

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deuteronomy 21:15

"If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him children, and if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved..."

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matthew 6:24

"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."

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luke 14:26-33

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. 27 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. 28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? 29 Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ 31 Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? 32 And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. 33 So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

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proverbs 18:1

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.

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proverbs 28:13

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

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section 16

Perhaps you have already concluded that in the simplest form, Biblical love and hate actually comes down to an ongoing choice between two options, yourself or God/Others deuteronomy 30:19-20. Agape, for our purposes, is the fullness of all the godly loves and Miseo is the conclusion of our hates, but both are the heart of the matter.

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supporting scriptures

deuteronomy 30:19-20

I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, 20 loving the LORD your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them."

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section 17

Miseo is actually the other side of the coin of Agape. There really can be no Agape without Miseo. There is no Biblical love without Biblical hate. But which way the coin lands is your choice. If at anytime you choose "yourself", whether in malice, indifference or even just laziness you have Miseo-ed God and others unto Philautoi romans 8:5-8. You have forsaken Agape for self. But when we choose to pursue the eternal benefit of others {God being the all encompassing OTHER ephesians 1:23} then you Agape AND you also Miseo "yourself" matthew 16:24-26 john 12:25.

my notes:

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supporting scriptures

romans 8:5-8

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

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ephesians 1:23

which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all.

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matthew 16:24-26

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

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john 12:25

Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

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my notes:

section 18

You can do all great outward acts matthew 6:1-6 matthew 7:21-23, but if it is actually for yourself rather than for the Lord and others, it is actually hatred of them and ironically destructive to the only reward one’s self can receive-OTHERS i corinthians 13:1-3 ii corinthians 12:14. So, to Agape we must make a choice of which love we will choose, and which loves we will forsake i john 2:15-17. Will we choose God’s will i thessalonians 5:14-18 or choose our own romans 2:8 romans 15:1-3? We cannot walk with the Lord unless we agree with Him amos 3:3. Choosing God is the only way to truly love each other i john 5:1-3 ii john 1:5-6 and so we must hate our own selves; that is, choose God and others over ourselves in every decision if we are to truly live out and experience the Agape God has in store for us in Himself and each other ii john 1:1-4 psalm 16.

supporting scriptures

matthew 6:1-6

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven.

2 "Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

The Lord’s Prayer

5 "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

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matthew 7:21-23

"Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

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i corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

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ii corinthians 12:14

Here for the third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not be a burden, for I seek not what is yours but you. For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.

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my notes:

i john 2:15-17

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

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i thessalonians 5:14-18

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. 16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

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romans 2:8

but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.

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romans 15:1-3

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3 For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me."

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my notes:

amos 3:3

"Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?"

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i john 5:1-3

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him. 2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.

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ii john 1:5-6

And now I ask you, dear lady—not as though I were writing you a new commandment, but the one we have had from the beginning—that we love one another. 6 And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it.

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my notes:

ii john 1:1-4

The elder to the elect lady and her children, whom I love in truth, and not only I, but also all who know the truth, 2 because of the truth that abides in us and will be with us forever:

3 Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.

4 I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father.

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psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

2 I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."

3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.

4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips.

5 The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

7 I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.

8 I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.

10 For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

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