Biblical sexuality

©2018 dan bulkley | danbulkley1@aol.com

1. introduction

a. a confused topic

In a world that seems fixated on sex, the issue of sexuality has long been and confused topic. This confusion is quite obvious in the world, but even in Christian circles, there are many viewpoints on what is appropriate, what is sinful, and how disciples of Christ should approach sexuality.

God is not a prude

To begin, we should point out that we as Christians should not be afraid to address the topic of sexuality. God’s Word has much to say on the topic, often drawing parallels between our sexuality and our relationship with Him.

God does not shy away from using sexual terms to describe Israel’s relationship with Him, or in explaining the offenses of Israel’s sin.

This is because Biblical sexuality is much more than a mere physical act. It is an intimate bond shared between a husband, his wife, and God.

God is not afraid to discuss issues of sexuality, and we should not be afraid to do so either.

So let’s explore this important issue and find out what God’s Word really says about Biblical sexuality.

You’re not blushing, are you?

 

2. the simple truth

a. difficult to accept...

Some of the Bible’s teachings are easy enough to accept, but other teachings are more difficult. Consider the difficulty that some people had in accepting Jesus’ teachings about marriage:

matthew 19:3-12

Some Pharisees came to [Jesus] to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

While some Biblical teachings may be more difficult to accept, it can be especially difficult to accept Biblical teachings when it comes to the topic of sexuality:

I thessalonians 4:3-5

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.

more than a physical act...

Our sexuality is far more than a mere physical act or a human interaction. Rather, as with everything that disciples of Christ do, our sexuality should be a matter of faith, obedience, trust, enjoyment, worship and love for our Creator.

I corinthians 10:31

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

As true as this is, not all people know this or can accept it, as this example shows:

I corinthians 8:1-8

Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that “We all possess knowledge.” But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 2 Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. 3 But whoever loves God is known by God.

4 So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that “An idol is nothing at all in the world” and that “There is no God but one.” 5 For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), 6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

7 But not everyone possesses this knowledge. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. 8 But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.

The reason we sometimes have such difficulty accepting God’s teaching is because our hearts are idolatrous, and our idolatrous hearts must first be reformed by God in order to live in His ways.

romans 8:5-8

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

b. that’s not natural!

Biblical sexuality is not concerned with the natural, scientific, political or cultural concerns that our world focuses on. In fact, Biblical sexuality is quite different than “what comes naturally.”

genesis 17:9-14

Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. 11 You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. 12 For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. 13 Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. 14 Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.

john 1:12-13

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The reason that Biblical sexuality seems so unnatural is because truly Biblical sexuality is built upon a relationship with God Himself.

colossians 2:11-17

In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh was put off when you were circumcised by Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through your faith in the working of God, who raised him from the dead.

13 When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14 having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. 15 And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

16 Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. 17 These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.

 

Our relationship with God is literally exemplified by our sexuality. For example, as sinful humans, we battle with certain desires that come naturally to us, such as these:

I peter 2:11

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.

II timothy 2:22

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

But, when we have a relationship with Christ. these kinds of desires can be brought into the likeness of Christ’s heart:

ephesians 4:17-24

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Here, we see the contrast between how we might live “naturally” and how we are called to live in Christ. This is accomplished by offering our fleshly desires as a sacrifice to God.

romans 12:1

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

A prime example of God’s call for us to trade the “natural” with the “unnatural” is circumcision. Circumcision is a surgical procedure which alters the male anatomy from the way it was naturally born. It is an outward, physical sign that the “natural” order has been exchanged for God’s order. Consider these examples:

deuteronomy 10:14-21

To the Lord your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it. 15 Yet the Lord set his affection on your ancestors and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations—as it is today. 16 Circumcise your hearts, therefore, and do not be stiff-necked any longer. 17 For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. 18 He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing. 19 And you are to love those who are foreigners, for you yourselves were foreigners in Egypt. 20 Fear the Lord your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. 21 He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

romans 2:26-29

So then, if those who are not circumcised keep the law’s requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? 27 The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.

28 A person is not a Jew who is one only outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. 29 No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person’s praise is not from other people, but from God.

Similarly, disciples of Christ should think of themselves as having their hearts circumcised, having traded the “natural” desires to save and please ourselves for God’s glory:

matthew 16:24-25

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

By having our hearts transformed by Christ, instead of seeking our own selfish desires, our desire will be to please the Lord and to bless others:

I corinthians 10:23-24, 31

I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others...

31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

c. do as you please... to please God

God’s Word makes it clear that we, as disciples of Christ, have great freedom to make our own choices:

ecclesiastes 11:9

You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.

As you can see, we are free to make our own choices, but are also reminded that we will be accountable for whatever choices we make: We are all free to do as we wish, to the extent that God gives us the ability:

micah 2:1

Woe to those who plan iniquity, to those who plot evil on their beds! At morning’s light they carry it out because it is in their power to do it.

So, while we are free to do as we please, we must remember that in the opportunities we have, we will be judged by God for what we chose with our ability:

deuteronomy 30:19

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live...

So, we as Christians must be careful to choose well, for we are held to a higher accountability in this life than those who do not know God:

I corinthians 5:9-10, 13

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world...

13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”

matthew 18:15-17

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

As you can see, those who are disciples of Christ are far more accountable than those who do not believe:

I peter 4:17

For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

jeremiah 3:11

The Lord said to me, “Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah.

luke 12:47-48

“The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48 But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

 

judging the world...

Beware of judging the world who does know God:

I corinthians 5:12

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?

The folly of our judging the world is made even more clear when we consider that we as Christians have yet to even exemplify the standards God has set for us.

romans 2:17-29

Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and boast in God; 18 if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; 19 if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of little children, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— 21 you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? 22 You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? 23 You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? 24 As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”

25 Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised. 26 So then, if those who are not circumcised keep the law’s requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? 27 The one who is not circumcised physically and yet obeys the law will condemn you who, even though you have the written code and circumcision, are a lawbreaker.

28 A person is not a Jew who is one only outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. 29 No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person’s praise is not from other people, but from God.

titus 2:9-10

Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10 and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

d. passing away...

In this age there are still sexual matters, but remember we are ultimately children of the resurrection which means that our sexuality is passing away...

luke 20:34-36

Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. 35 But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, 36 and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection.

galatians 3:28

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

In view of the temporal nature of our sexuality, we should be submissive to God’s will above our own desires:

I john 2:15-17

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. 16 For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. 17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

e. God’s approval, our approval, and the world’s approval

The things that our world approves of, along with the things that we personally approve of, are often out of sync with what God approves of. This requires us to make a choice to seek God’s approval above our own:

deuteronomy 12:28

Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the Lord your God.

We as believers in Jesus Christ should conduct ourselves according to His Word: not what we approve of ourselves:

II corinthians 10:18

For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

Additionally, we should not conduct ourselves based upon what the World approves of.

romans 1:32

Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Instead of seeking our own pleasure or the world’s approval, we should seek what is pleasing to the Lord alone.

 

3. what is good in the eyes of God?

In terms of our sexuality, what is good in the eyes of the Lord? Let’s see what the Bible says to the following groups:

a. for everyone...

Whether married or single, and at every stage of life, the following is meant for you:

I corinthians 6:13-20

You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Your body is not your own. If we were humble we would realize that our life is not our own no matter what circumstances present themselves:

daniel 5:22-23

“But you, Belshazzar, his son, have not humbled yourself, though you knew all this. 23 Instead, you have set yourself up against the Lord of heaven. You had the goblets from his temple brought to you, and you and your nobles, your wives and your concubines drank wine from them. You praised the gods of silver and gold, of bronze, iron, wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or understand. But you did not honor the God who holds in his hand your life and all your ways.

jeremiah 10:23

Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.

All of this is especially true for believers in Christ, as we have chosen to give ourselves fully to the Lord:

exodus 21:5-6

“But if the servant declares, ‘I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,’ 6 then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.

joshua 24:15

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

With this in mind, it is important to understand just how fully and completely we belong to God.

romans 6:16-23

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. 18 You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

19 I am using an example from everyday life because of your human limitations. Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness. 20 When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. 21 What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Whether married or single, as believers in Christ, our bodies belong to God, and we should all therefore Glorify God with our bodies!

b. for the unmarried...

In addition to what we’ve already seen, these Scriptural principles apply specifically to unmarried people:

II timothy 2:22

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Learn to discipline your own immature desires. Such desires in our youth give us a great training ground to learn. Most of us have felt as though our mistakes brought us into darkness. We should learn from those mistakes so as not to repeat them.

lamentations 3:2

He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light;

We need to learn what it is to lay our lives down for the Lord, to lay down our lives for others, and even possibly, for a future marriage partner.

I thessalonians 4:3-5

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

Sacrificing, sooner rather than later, changes our mindset so that we can learn to be pleased in God’s perfect will.

romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

designated by God

Additionally, as unmarried people, we should honor and wait upon God’s perfect design and time.

I peter 2:11

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.

As believers we are to literally not partake in any desire that is not DESIGNated by God. So keep yourself holy to the Lord:

I thessalonians 4:2-7

For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

Live your sacrifice of worship...

romans 12:1

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Continue to live your sacrifice until such desires are appropriate and encouraged by God:

song of solomon 8:4

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Or, if you have lived in desires that are displeasing to God, you should wait until those God-displeasing desires are crucified:

galatians 5:24

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

colossians 3:5

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

Additionally, the unmarried should live in the delight of our Lord!

psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

matthew 19:12

For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

 

c. for the married...

For those who are married, in addition to living out the standards that God has set out for everyone (as we discussed in section A), these Scriptures should also be lived out:

genesis 2:24-25

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Physical intimacy is a special bond from God for a husband and wife only.

matthew 19:4-5

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?

But this physical and spiritual bond is meant to worship together in. It illustrates the openness we are to have before our Lord.

psalm 62:8

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

hebrews 4:13

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

We should be fully known and unashamed before Him just as our body and soul should be fully known with no shame in the marriage relationship. So keep marriage honorable by reserving all your sexuality for the God-pleasing marriage relationship

hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

d. don’t be greedy

If we’re honest, most sexual desire is too often for personal gratification. But that’s not God’s design:

ephesians 5:3

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Any kind of greed in your sexuality changes a God-honoring spiritual bond into something potentially divisive and destructive.

I thessalonians 4:6

...and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.

Even as a married couple, the desire through sexuality should be for a closer bond between husband, wife, and God.

matthew 19:3-6

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

If we are seeking our own desires and pleasures, especially at the expense of the desires and pleasure of our spouses, it is not Biblical sexuality.

I corinthians 10:24

No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

manipulation

If you use your sexuality in a manipulative way to get what you want, you’ll end up fighting and destroying each other.

james 4:1-2

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

galatians 5:15

If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Instead of using manipulation to get what you want or to get it your way, we you should be focusing on building each other up as God wants.

romans 14:17-19

For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

romans 15:1-3

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”

e. for God’s glory

As strange as it may sound, Biblical sexuality is for God’s glory. As such, we should keep it pure.

hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Keep yourself pure and reserve your sexuality for God’s glory with your spouse alone.

proverbs 5:15-17

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.

Your relationship is to be honorable and undefiled, so remember that even if your marriage bed is private your hearts still testify of the Lord in your sexual practices with each other to those who can observe your relationship for good or bad

ephesians 5:1-33 {verses 8-16 shown}

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” 15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

resolve conflicts!

A husband and wife should reconcile their conflicts Biblically or your sexuality together will be tainted by the enemy and will not be what God designed.

ephesians 4:26-27

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

prayer and rejoicing

If praying, rejoicing and giving thanks to God is not a part of your sexual life you are not living up to the standard of Biblical sexuality.

I thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

your sexuality is a mirror of your relationship

I peter 3:7 (see verses 1-6)

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Husbands, you want your prayers answered, be considerate and respectful. Wife, you want your prayers answered, be submissive with a good attitude or any request you make to the Lord will be hindered. Beware of thinking your sexuality is something separate from your relationship with each other and with the Lord.

permissible desires vs. blessed intimacy

Married couples might believe that “anything goes” in their married sexual relationship. This is true, but only within the confines of what is beneficial to the spiritual, emotional and physical welfare of both spouses.

I corinthians 6:12-20

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I corinthians 10:23-24

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.

All desires are permissible to those who are pure and seeking a constructive relationship with God and with their spouse.

I timothy 1:9-11

We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.

On the other hand, to the impure, who desire only to please themselves above the desires of the spouse and of the Lord, all desires become sinful.

titus 1:15

To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.

proverbs 11:23

The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath.

Yet, to the pure they will conduct themselves (because they are pure) not by the idea of what they can get away with, but in order to please God they will act in a way that is beneficial to others. Marriage is not a license to practice any kind of sexuality with each other. Beware of violating each other’s consciences!

I corinthians 8:9

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.

If, for example, a husband desires something sexually that his wife is not comfortable with or that goes against her conscience, it becomes sinful. Be careful with your desires and be sure to protect each other by doing no harm emotionally, spiritually and physically! This is about love!

I corinthians 13:7

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

romans 13:10

Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

 

f. multiplying God’s family...

One design of Biblical sexuality is the making of new souls thereby multiplying God’s family.

malachi 2:15

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

While procreation is one purpose of Biblical sexuality, we should remember that it is not a command, but rather something we are authorized to do.

genesis 1:28

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Although we are not commanded to have children, it is certainly a blessing.

psalm 127:3

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.

So whatever the Lord’s will is, we should honor Him. If that means we are unable to have children, then we should glorify Him:

I samuel 1:5

But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb.

If this is your situation, you should know that this is not just a happening but God giving you another way to worship Him, as Job expressed here:

job 1:20-21

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

a mission field in the home...

A couple’s sexuality can actually lead to a mission field in their very home, with the hope of multiplying God’s family. This comes not only by having children, but by training those children up in the Lord that they themselves should become children of God!

ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

 

4. practicalities of Biblical sexuality:

Husband and wife belong to each other, and both belong to the Lord.

a. fulfilling one another

I corinthians 7:2-5

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The husband’s body is the wife’s, to be enjoyed by her. Similarly, the wife’s body is the husband’s, to be enjoyed by him. There should be mutual love, service, humility towards each other always.

ephesians 5:21

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

I corinthians 7:5

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Fulfilling each other’s physical/spiritual needs and God DESIGNated desires is what a married couple are to do. There should be plenty of sexual activity between a husband and wife as to fully satiate our physical desires...

proverbs 5:19

A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

This is important, so as to keep temptation to a minimum in our spirits.

proverbs 5:20-23

Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? 21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths. 22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast. 23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly.

love is not rude...

If you are rude, especially in the marriage bed, with your words, actions, even hygiene then your sexuality is not loving and that isn’t Biblical.

I corinthians 13:5

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Speak, act, and offer yourself in a loving manner. Consider the love with which Solomon addresses his bride in Song of Solomon:

song of solomon 4:10 (also verses 11-16)

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!

b. encouraging one another in physical beauty

It is important for both spouses to express their appreciation and admiration of the physical and spiritual beauty. Consider these examples from Song of Solomon. These two had no problem expressing their appreciation and appetite for each other!

the husband to his wife...

song of solomon 4:1 (also verses 2-15)

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.

song of solomon 7:6 (also verses 1-9)

How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!

In these passages, Solomon is very descriptive of his admiration of his bride’s beauty, even to the point of describing what he enjoys about her anatomy. Would a wife not be encouraged and blessed to know that her husband likes the way she’s put together?

The wife should be enCOURAGEd in her physical beauty by the husband intentionally, perpetually expressing his physical/sexual attraction, and not just during romantic moments.

the wife to her husband...

song of solomon 5:10 (also verses 11-16)

My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.

Wives, husbands like to hear these things too!

 

c. talk talk talk...

Train each other, build each other up and submit to one another…

romans 14:19

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

ephesians 5:21

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

TALK…TALK…TALK…TALK…TALK…TALK or your sexuality is not as the Bible teaches.

speak kindly to build each other up

proverbs 12:25

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

proverbs 25:11

Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a ruling rightly given.

Speak words of love and encouragement to one another throughout your life together, yes, even during your sexual intimacy.

don’t take yourself too seriously

ecclesiastes 3:4

...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...

There will be times to laugh and cry during your life together…both will probably happen in a couple’s intimacy. Don’t be so full of pride as to not allow the silliness of things to be expressed. LAUGH and even cry together.

 

non-sexual physical affection

Make a habit of physical contact that is not just sexual in nature, appropriate PDA, tenderness, playful wrestling, etc…

song of solomon 2:6

His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

song of solomon 3:4

Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.

genesis 26:8

When Isaac had been there a long time, Abimelek king of the Philistines looked down from a window and saw Isaac caressing his wife Rebekah.

wives, pursue your husbands!

Wives, purposely initiate and make a pursuit of your husband’s physical love.

song of solomon 3:1-4

All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. 2 I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. 3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?” 4 Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.

husbands, pursue your wives!

Husband’s, pursue your wives in more than just “the moment”. Sure, give her your notice of intent so that your wife can enjoy and be prepared for your love.

song of solomon 5:1

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.

song of solomon 2:4-6

Let him lead me to the banquet hall, and let his banner over me be love. 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.

song of solomon 2:10-13

My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”

As you go about all of this, be sure to purposely pursue and initiate physical love in more ways than literal sexual relations.

exhilarating and exciting

A couple’s physical intimacy should be one of exhilaration and excitement that is derived from a loving relationship with each other and the Lord. A husband and wife should enjoy each other!

proverbs 5:15-19

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

lay down your life!

Beware: if you are not laying your life down for your spouse, in everything, from taking out the garbage to sexual activity then your sexuality has already strayed from what is Biblical. If it is not Biblical it is sin.

ephesians 5:25-28 (also verses 29-32)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I john 5:17

All wrongdoing is sin, and there is sin that does not lead to death.

an intimate sharing...

proverbs 5:15-19

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Biblical sexuality is a wonderful intimate sharing of body and soul between a husband and wife.

malachi 2:15

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

As these passages both point out, this intimate sharing is to be between husband and wife alone. But although this intimate act is only between husband and wife, it is also an expression of worship to God.

ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Here, Solomon points out that a partnership of two, such as husband and wife, is better than being alone. But, Solomon emphasizes, when God is the third cord in your marriage, it creates a cord that is not quickly broken.

 

d. blessings of Biblical sexuality

When we practice Biblical marriage and sexuality, there are many blessings to be found.

the blessing of a wife

For a man, a Godly wife is an amazing blessing:

proverbs 19:14

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

proverbs 5:18

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

the blessing of beauty

Beauty is an additional blessing of Biblical marriage and sexuality, as both husband and wife enjoy the unique beauty possessed by each other.

song of solomon 4:1

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.

song of solomon 5:10

My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.

the blessing of guardianship

Additionally, guardianship is a blessing that accompanies Biblical sexuality, protecting one another and meeting each other’s needs and desires.

I corinthians 7:2

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

I corinthians 7:5

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

the blessing of thanksgiving

In Biblical sexuality, there is much to show thanksgiving for.

I thessalonians 5:18

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

the blessing of satisfaction

When practiced as God intended and designed, husbands and wives can experience great satisfaction and contentment.

song of solomon 5:1

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.

Friends

Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.

song of solomon 8:10

I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.

the blessing of joy

What a joy it is to enjoy intimacy as God intended!

proverbs 5:18

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

the blessing of oneness

This oneness is not only physical, but also emotional and spiritual.

genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

the blessing of intimacy

Being able to trust your spouse with your inmost self, physically, spiritually and emotionally, is an amazing blessing.

genesis 2:25

Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

the blessing of family

If God wills, a couple who practices Biblical marriage and sexuality can enjoy the blessings of children, who they may then raise up in the ways of the Lord.

malachi 2:15

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

the blessing of belongingness

There is great joy in knowing that you belong somewhere. It is important that husbands and wives make it clear to one another that they belong with each other.

song of solomon 6:3

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.

song of solomon 7:10

I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.

the blessing of many delights

song of solomon 7:13

The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved.

the blessing of elation

song of solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

the blessing of love for each other

As we saw earlier, the sharing of love and intimacy between husband and wife according to God’s design is a wonderful, amazing thing.

song of solomon 6:3

I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.

song of solomon 7:10

I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.

 

5. conclusion

As fixated on sex as our world is, and as many ways as there are to twist, dilute, or cheapen sexuality, there remains this truth. God created and designed sexuality, and when Biblical sexuality is practiced, the world can offer no more exciting, exhilarating, pleasurable, satisfying, or sanctifying experience.

proverbs 5:15-19

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

photos courtesy of unsplash.com