How to Build a Genuine Relationship, pt. 2

©2021 dan bulkley | ask@lifefellowship.org

how to build a genuine relationship part 2

section 1

Another vital aspect of building a genuine relationship is the openness of your own life. We should be an open book ii timothy 3:10-11 to those we have relationships with. Our goal should consist of a life that is an ever-excelling i timothy 4:15-16 philippians 3:14-17 letter from Christ to all He gives you opportunity to have sincere relationships with ii corinthians 3:3 .

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supporting scriptures

ii timothy 3:10-11

You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, 11 my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra—which persecutions I endured; yet from them all the Lord rescued me.

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i timothy 4:15-16

Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16 Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.

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philippians 3:14-17

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

17 Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.

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ii corinthians 3:3

Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart.

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section 2

So, in the pursuit of building a true relationship one needs to be sacrificially open-hearted ii corinthians 6:11-7:3 especially with the family of Christ psalm 133:1-3 matthew 12:48-50 in hopes that there will one day be reciprocation ii corinthians 6:13 ii corinthians 8:13 .

my notes:

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supporting scriptures

ii corinthians 6:11-7:3

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

"I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,

and I will be their God,

and they shall be my people.

17 Therefore go out from their midst,

and be separate from them, says the Lord,

and touch no unclean thing;

then I will welcome you,

18 and I will be a father to you,

and you shall be sons and daughters to me,

says the Lord Almighty."

7:1 Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.

2 Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one. 3 I do not say this to condemn you, for I said before that you are in our hearts, to die together and to live together.

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psalm 133:1-3

Behold, how good and pleasant it is

when brothers dwell in unity!

2 It is like the precious oil on the head,

running down on the beard,

on the beard of Aaron,

running down on the collar of his robes!

3 It is like the dew of Hermon,

which falls on the mountains of Zion!

For there the LORD has commanded the blessing,

life forevermore.

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matthew 12:48-50

But he replied to the man who told him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

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ii corinthians 6:13

In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

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ii corinthians 8:13

For I do not mean that others should be eased and you burdened, but that as a matter of fairness

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my notes:

section 3

This does not mean we do not consider the needs of others when being open about ourselves ephesians 4:29 john 16:12 . Discretion is a virtue proverbs 1:4 proverbs 5:1-2 proverbs 25:11 , but it is a deceptive reason to hide our true selves i thessalonians 2:5 proverbs 23:7 . We are to be discreet with our knowledge especially when it is not our tale to tell proverbs 11:13 proverbs 25:9-10 while still holding onto the principle that real friendship grows from earnest, true communication proverbs 24:26 proverbs 28:23 proverbs 27:5-6 . The reason is because God fellowships with us in Truth and Love ii john 1:1-3 john 15:14 and people themselves desire a genuine love from others, even when they do not necessarily want to give it proverbs 19:22 , for in the long term the pleasant quality of true friendship manifests itself in sincere Love AND Truth proverbs 27:9 i corinthians 5:8 .

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supporting scriptures

ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

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john 16:12

"I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.

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proverbs 1:4

to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth

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proverbs 5:1-2

My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding,

2 that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge.

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proverbs 25:11

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

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i thessalonians 2:5

For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness.

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proverbs 23:7

for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. "Eat and drink!" he says to you, but his heart is not with you.

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proverbs 11:13

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

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proverbs 25:9-10

Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret,

10 lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.

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proverbs 24:26

Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips.

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proverbs 28:23

Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.

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proverbs 27:5-6

Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

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ii john 1:1-3

The elder to the elect lady and her children, whom I love in truth, and not only I, but also all who know the truth, 2 because of the truth that abides in us and will be with us forever: 3 Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.

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john 15:14

You are my friends if you do what I command you.

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proverbs 19:22

What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar.

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proverbs 27:9

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

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i corinthians 5:8

Let us therefore celebrate the festival, not with the old leaven, the leaven of malice and evil, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

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my notes:

section 4

Even in more guarded relationships, like with unbeliever’s and/or hostile people ii timothy 4:14-15 , we should be open-hearted, by relying on God’s gracious hand in our lives while pursuing holiness and sincerity towards others whatever form that relationship may take ii corinthians 1:12 .

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supporting scriptures

ii timothy 4:14-15

Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. 15 Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

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ii corinthians 1:12

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you.

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my notes

section 5

As a believer, we will not be able to have true fellowship with the people of this world ii corinthians 6:14-7:2 genesis 1:4 genesis 3:15 proverbs 29:27 . Does this mean we avoid unbelievers altogether i corinthians 5:9-10 , hate them matthew 5:43-48 i corinthians 9:19 , harm them i corinthians 10:31-33 galatians 6:10 , or even fight them ephesians 6:12 ? No, we are to do good to all men with Truth and Love galatians 6:10 titus 3:8 . This principle simply means we must understand that there can be no deep, genuine, reciprocating relationship with those who walk in darkness ephesians 5:1-14 . It is unfair for us to expect a godly response from the ungodly romans 8:7 , dangerous to yearn for their favor i corinthians 15:33 james 4:4 and foolish to take offense when they are actually rejecting the Lord in us i thessalonians 4:8 luke 10:16 .

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supporting scriptures

ii corinthians 6:14-7:2

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17 Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you,

18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."

1 Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.

2 Make room in your hearts for us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have taken advantage of no one.

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genesis 1:4

And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.

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genesis 3:15

I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel."

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proverbs 29:27

An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous, but one whose way is straight is an abomination to the wicked.

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i corinthians 5:9-10

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.

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matthew 5:43-48

"You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

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i corinthians 9:19

For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them.

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i corinthians 10:31-33

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved.

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galatians 6:10

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

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ephesians 6:12

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

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galatians 6:10

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

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titus 3:8

The saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people.

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my notes:

ephesians 5:1-14

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

"Awake, O sleeper,

and arise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you."

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romans 8:7

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot

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i corinthians 15:33

Do not be deceived: "Bad company ruins good morals."

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james 4:4

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

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i thessalonians 4:8

Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

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luke 10:16

"The one who hears you hears me, and the one who rejects you rejects me, and the one who rejects me rejects him who sent me."

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my notes:

section 6

And even for the so-called brothers who revile the Truth while still claiming their own safety in God’s grace jeremiah 7:8-10 deuteronomy 28:19-21 jude 1:4 , we avoid all together for their good and as an ongoing testimony in warning against them i corinthians 5:5 i corinthians 5:9-13 ii thessalonians 3:11-15 romans 16:17-18 acts 18:6 titus 3:10-11 matthew 18:15-17 .

Do everything for the benefit of others to match their true need i thessalonians 5:14 isaiah 28:23-29 according to God’s Word. Love others in Truth i john 5:2-3 ii john 1:6 i corinthians 16:13-14 not merely in feelings or what appears loving by mere sight ii corinthians 5:7 john 7:24 .

supporting scriptures

jeremiah 7:8-10

"Behold, you trust in deceptive words to no avail. 9 Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, make offerings to Baal, and go after other gods that you have not known, 10 and then come and stand before me in this house, which is called by my name, and say, ‘We are delivered!’—only to go on doing all these abominations?

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deuteronomy 28:19-21

Cursed shall you be when you come in, and cursed shall you be when you go out.

20 "The LORD will send on you curses, confusion, and frustration in all that you undertake to do, until you are destroyed and perish quickly on account of the evil of your deeds, because you have forsaken me. 21 The LORD will make the pestilence stick to you until he has consumed you off the land that you are entering to take possession of it.

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jude 1:4

For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

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i corinthians 5:5

you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.

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i corinthians 5:9-13

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. "Purge the evil person from among you."

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ii thessalonians 3:11-15

For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. 12 Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.

13 As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. 14 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.

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romans 16:17-18

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. 18 For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

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acts 18:6

And when they opposed and reviled him, he shook out his garments and said to them, "Your blood be on your own heads! I am innocent. From now on I will go to the Gentiles."

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titus 3:10-11

As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

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matthew 18:15-17

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

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i thessalonians 5:14

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

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my notes:

isaiah 28:23-29

Give ear, and hear my voice;

give attention, and hear my speech.

24 Does he who plows for sowing plow continually?

Does he continually open and harrow his ground?

25 When he has leveled its surface,

does he not scatter dill, sow cumin,

and put in wheat in rows

and barley in its proper place,

and emmer as the border?

26 For he is rightly instructed;

his God teaches him.

27 Dill is not threshed with a threshing sledge,

nor is a cart wheel rolled over cumin,

but dill is beaten out with a stick,

and cumin with a rod.

28 Does one crush grain for bread?

No, he does not thresh it forever;

when he drives his cart wheel over it

with his horses, he does not crush it.

29 This also comes from the LORD of hosts;

he is wonderful in counsel

and excellent in wisdom.

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i john 5:2-3

By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.

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ii john 1:6

And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it.

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i corinthians 16:13-14

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.

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ii corinthians 5:7

for we walk by faith, not by sight.

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john 7:24

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment."