parenting adult children

©2020 dan bulkley | ask@lifefellowship.org

who are you parenting for?

key principle: ii corinthians 12:14-15

ii corinthians 12:14-15

Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 15 So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well. If I love you more, will you love me less?

Your children are not for you as much as you are for your children genesis 18:19 . We are supposed to be raising godly offspring to present to the Lord malachi 2:15 . For ultimately, God has no grandchildren, but only children hebrews 2:11-13 . We should be spending ourselves on behalf of our children always so that they may be strong and mature in the faith ii corinthians 12:19 making them our siblings in the Lord and not forever underlings, for that is the way of love i corinthians 14:1 ephesians 4:15 .

supporting scriptures

genesis 18:19

Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. 19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”

malachi 2:15

Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.

hebrews 2:11-13

Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters. 12 He says,

“I will declare your name to my brothers and sisters;

in the assembly I will sing your praises.”

13 And again,

“I will put my trust in him.”

And again he says,

“Here am I, and the children God has given me.”

ii corinthians 12:19

Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening

i corinthians 14:1

Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy.

ephesians 4:15

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

section 2

Parents should not worry about their own reputation or repayment ii corinthians 13:7, for that is up to the Lord’s work and instruction to children. But rather parents should aim to have their children walking in the love and truth of our Lord ii john 1:3-6 iii john 1:4 ; interceding on their behalf Biblically even if it makes a parent look deficient in their parenting and own ability ii corinthians 13:9 job 1:5 .

supporting scriptures

ii corinthians 13:7

Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong—not so that people will see that we have stood the test but so that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed.

ii john 1:3-6

Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.

4 It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. 5 And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. 6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.

iii john 1:4

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

ii corinthians 13:9

We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong; and our prayer is that you may be fully restored.

job 1:5

When a period of feasting had run its course, Job would make arrangements for them to be purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

section 3

Parents should spend and be spent on behalf of their children’s souls and not look to be repaid by worldly gain, but rather hope for what we should really want: a true relationship that will last eternally psalm 16:2-3 luke 16:9 philippians 4:1 i thessalonians 2:19-20 luke 16:9 . For a parent’s labor in the childhood and adulthood of their children will be shown for what it was i corinthians 3:7-17 ; was it about love for them and the Lord or about a parent’s own pride and selfishness i corinthians 13:1-3 ? As the parent you must bear them up; do not get caught up longing for the day they bear you up. Be a giver in love for them and in humility before the Lord always romans 15:1-3 romans 13:8 titus 3:2 i peter 5:5 .

Parents should spend and be spent on behalf of their children’s souls and not look to be repaid by worldly gain, but rather hope for what we should really want: a true relationship that will last eternally psalm 16:2-3 luke 16:9 philippians 4:1
i thessalonians 2:19-20 luke 16:9 i corinthians 3:7-17
i corinthians 13:1-3 romans 15:1-3 romans 13:8 titus 3:2
i peter 5:5

my notes

supporting scriptures

psalm 16:2-3

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”

3 I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”

luke 16:9

I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.

philippians 4:1

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!

i thessalonians 2:19-20

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? 20 Indeed, you are our glory and joy.

luke 16:9

I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.

my notes:

i corinthians 3:7-17

So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

10 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. 11 For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 14 If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 15 If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? 17 If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.

my notes:

i corinthians 13:1-3

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

romans 15:1-3

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. 2 Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”

romans 13:8

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

titus 3:2

to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

i peter 5:5

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,

“God opposes the proud

but gives grace to the humble.”

my notes:

authority or influence?

section 4

key principle: philemon 8-9

philemon 8-9

Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love. It is as none other than Paul—an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus

When raising your children to adulthood you should be seeking to develop a genuine, open-hearted relationship with your kids in truth and love ii john 1:1 so that when they are older and you are older the relationship between you will remain and grow through the unity of the Lord john 17:22-23 philippians 2:1-2 proverbs 22:6 and not by the fear of your past authority i john 4:18-19 , but rather by the compelling principle of love ii corinthians 5:14 . That begins from day one. Your authority and then influence should be used unashamedly to build up in the Lord not to tear down ii corinthians 10:8 13:9 . You should aim to be a gatherer for the Lord, not a scatterer luke 11:23 titus 2:10 . If you already missed those opportunities or are missing them now, take heart; the Lord is willing to restore what was missed joel 2:12-13 25 if you will turn back to Him and begin to build His way psalm 127:1-5 .

supporting scriptures

ii john 1:1

The elder,

To the lady chosen by God and to her children, whom I love in the truth—and not I only, but also all who know the truth

john 17:22-23

I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— 23 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

philippians 2:1-2

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

i john 4:18-19

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us.

ii corinthians 5:14

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.

ii corinthians 10:8

So even if I boast somewhat freely about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of it.

ii corinthians 13:9

We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong; and our prayer is for your perfection.

luke 11:23

“He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me, scatters.”

titus 2:10

... and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

joel 2:12-13

“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

13 Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.”

joel 2:25

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten– the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm– my great army that I sent among you.”

psalm 127:1-5

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat– for he grants sleep to those he loves.

3 Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.

5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

section 5

Essentially when your child is an adult all you have left is the influence of your genuine, loving relationship. That is why it is important to be open-hearted ii corinthians 6:11-13 NOW ii corinthians 6:2 so that they know what it is to be open-hearted. You must let them watch and know all about your struggles in the faith so that may truly KNOW you so as to be convinced of the validity of your way of life ii timothy 3:10-14 .

supporting scriptures

ii corinthians 6:11-13

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As a fair exchange–I speak as to my children–open wide your hearts also.

ii corinthians 6:2

For he says,

“In the time of my favor I heard you,

and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.

ii timothy 3:10-14

You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance,11 persecutions, sufferings–what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. 12 In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 13 while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it...

section 6

If you set yourself apart from worldliness you will be useful to the Lord in ministering to your children’s hearts ii timothy 2:20-21 and by your sanctification you open the way for your children’s sanctification john 17:19 . Your life should become consistent with your teaching so that your children will follow the Way willingly, imitating you with confident conviction because they KNOW your faith is truly genuine i corinthians 4:12-17 hebrews 13:7 .

supporting scriptures

ii timothy 2:20-21

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 21 If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

john 17:19

For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

i corinthians 4:12-17

We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13 when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.

14 I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children.15 Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16 Therefore I urge you to imitate me. 17 For this reason I am sending to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.

hebrews 13:7

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

my notes:

what about rebellious adults?

section 7

key principle: ezekiel 3:17-19

ezekiel 3:17-19

“Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. 18 When I say to a wicked man, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. 19 But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.”

When your children become adults and do not order their life after the Lord ii chronicles 27:6 you must be careful in your heart to honor the Lord more i samuel 2:29 and love the Lord more than your children luke 14:26-27 deuteronomy 13:6-8 lest you lose your testimony of faith matthew 5:13-16 and true hope for their freedom from satanic influences ii timothy 2:19-26 .

supporting scriptures

ii chronicles 27:6

Jotham grew powerful because he walked steadfastly before the Lord his God.

i samuel 2:29

Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’

luke 14:26-27

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple. 27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”

deuteronomy 13:6-8

If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods that neither you nor your fathers have known,7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him.

matthew 5:13-16

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

my notes:

ii timothy 2:19-26

Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.”

20 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 21 If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 23 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. 24 And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

my notes:

section 8

Remember all you really have left for your adult children in the influence of your relationship since they are no longer under your authority. So that relationship becomes a tool, not for your sake, but for theirs. Speak out to warn and dissuade your child from their destructive path ezekiel 3:11 . Depending on their claims of faith your evangelism can require different Biblical prescriptions i corinthians 5:12 . Talking to a so-called believing child in their rebelliousness may not be enough i samuel 2:17 i samuel 22-25 i samuel 3:13 i corinthians 5:11 , whereas an unbelieving child should be treated as such i corinthians 5:9-10 .

supporting scriptures

ezekiel 3:11

Go now to your countrymen in exile and speak to them. Say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says,’ whether they listen or fail to listen.”

i corinthians 5:12

Then the Spirit lifted me up, and I heard behind me a loud rumbling sound–May the glory of the Lord be praised in his dwelling place!

i samuel 2:17

This sin of the young men was very great in the Lord’s sight, for they were treating the Lord’s offering with contempt.

my notes:

i samuel 2:22-25

Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. 24 No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the Lord’s people. 25 If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord, who will intercede for him?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord’s will to put them to death.

i samuel 3:13

For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.

i corinthians 5:11

But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

i corinthians 5:9-10

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people– 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world.

my notes:

section 9

Remember you are not their authority so you can only warn and use your influence for their soul’s eternity sake. BEWARE the monster idolatry of control. You cannot truly control your life; so do not think you will control your adult child’s life luke 12:25-26 . You still should let them live their lives ezekiel 3:27 ecclesiastes 11:9 joshua 24:15 as the adults they are. Though that may mean your distancing yourself from them ephesians 5:7 , not helping them in their sinful consequences jeremiah 23:14 isaiah 26:10 , not willingly participating in their destructive ways proverbs 19:18 . You may come to the place where you can only warn them in all humility daniel 4:27 titus 3:2-8 , but then let them go acts 18:6 into the hands of the Lord’s work through the hardships of this sinful world luke 15:12 luke 16-17 proverbs 13:15 in all hope that the Lord may one day restore them i corinthians 5:5 .

supporting scriptures

luke 12:25-26

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

ezekiel 3:27

But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you shall say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says.’ Whoever will listen let him listen, and whoever will refuse let him refuse; for they are a rebellious house.

ecclesiastes 11:9

Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment.

joshua 24:15

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

ephesians 5:7

Therefore do not be partners with them.

jeremiah 23:14

And among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible: They commit adultery and live a lie. They strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his wickedness. They are all like Sodom to me; the people of Jerusalem are like Gomorrah.”

isaiah 26:10

Though grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil

proverbs 19:18

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

daniel 4:27

Therefore, O king, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue.

my notes:

titus 3:2-8

to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.

acts 18:6

But when the Jews opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, “Your blood be on your own heads! I am clear of my responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles.”

luke 15:12

The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

my notes:

luke 15:16-17

He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!

proverbs 13:15

Good understanding wins favor, but the way of the unfaithful is hard.

i corinthians 5:5

hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

my notes:

section 10

Be prepared…such decisions are often met with resistance, anger and misunderstanding from your children, unbelievers and even other believers in your church and family for many err in what love really is, for they do not know the Scriptures or the power of God matthew 22:29 . You will be the bad guy in many people’s eyes but God has foretold such things john 15:18-21 ; so the question comes down to whether you will love YOUR WAY or GOD’S WAY i john 5:1-3 ?

supporting scriptures

matthew 22:29

Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God.

john 15:18-21

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20 Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21 They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.

i john 5:1-3

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well.2 This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. 3 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome...

my notes:

when is my child an adult?

section 11

So when do you relinquish your authority over your children and start to treat them as adults? You child doesn’t just one day become an adult. Though technically in our current government we have a set age much like the Jewish culture did and so need to be aware of that in our thinking romans 13:1 john 9:21.

supporting scriptures

romans 13:1

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

john 9:21

But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don’t know. Ask him. He is of age; he will speak for himself.”

my notes:

section 12

Still it is not a moment in time or really a set age as much as it is a process of maturing in order to live life responsible for one’s self ephesians 4:13 unto the Lord romans 14:7-8 ; with the aim that they would stand before the Lord with their own relationship with Him growing romans 14:1-4 ii corinthians 5:10 galatians 4:19 .

supporting scriptures

ephesians 4:13

until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

romans 14:7-8

For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8 If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

romans 14:1-4

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.2 One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

ii corinthians 5:10

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

galatians 4:19

My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you...

my notes:

section 13

Test your children i timothy 3:10 i timothy 3:13-15 by giving them responsibility and freedom in your instructions ii corinthians 2:9 . As they pass the tests of freedom and responsibility continue to gradually give them more freedom and responsibility accordingly to their obedience to instruction psalm 119:45 and measure of faith romans 12:3 until they grow up to be free and responsible before the Lord themselves philippians 1:27 even surpassing your instruction to grow to hold to the Lord’s Word far above your own ii corinthians 13:7 psalm 119:99-102 i corinthians 2:1-5 .

supporting scriptures

i timothy 3:10

They must first be tested; and then if there is nothing against them, let them serve as deacons.

i timothy 3:13-15

Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus.

14 Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, 15 if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.

ii corinthians 2:9

The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything.

psalm 119:45

I will walk about in freedom,

for I have sought out your precepts.

romans 12:3

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

philippians 1:27

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel

ii corinthians 13:7

Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong. Not that people will see that we have stood the test but that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed.

psalm 119:99-102

I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.

100 I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.

101 I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word.

102 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.

i corinthians 2:1-5

When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. 2 For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4 My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.

section 14

To be sure there are indicators of adulthood, maturity and even when to start to regard someone in an adult way. Biblically speaking, one is an adult when they act and think like an adult i corinthians 13:11 ii timothy 2:22 proverbs 20:11 . Parents should be aiming to help their children become mature/adult in their thinking i corinthians 14:20 while guarding their innocence to the appropriate level of preparedness and understanding isaiah 7:15-16 through the discipline and training of Scripture ephesians 6:4 hebrews 5:13-14 .

supporting scriptures

i corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

ii timothy 2:22

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

proverbs 20:11

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right.

i corinthians 14:20

Brothers, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.

isaiah 7:15-16

He will eat curds and honey when he knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right. 16 But before the boy knows enough to reject the wrong and choose the right, the land of the two kings you dread will be laid waste.

ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

hebrews 5:13-14

Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

my notes:

section 15

However there comes a time when, whether by law, individual maturity, necessity, various choices, etc. that your child should inherit the rights of a full adult galatians 4:1-7 . For to prolong childhood is not good for the parents, child or the family as a whole isaiah 28:23-24 ephesians 4:11-14 . Be aware that ages may vary and the need of the individual child should be considered in their growing up to adult freedoms and responsibilities isaiah 28:25-29 ephesians 4:29 .

supporting scriptures

galatians 4:1-7

What I am saying is that as long as the heir is a child, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate. 2 He is subject to guardians and trustees until the time set by his father. 3 So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of the world. 4 But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, 5 to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons. 6 Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.

isaiah 28:23-24

Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say.

24 When a farmer plows for planting, does he plow continually? Does he keep on breaking up and harrowing the soil?

my notes:

ephesians 4:11-14

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.

isaiah 28:25-29

When he has leveled the surface, does he not sow caraway and scatter cummin? Does he not plant wheat in its place, barley in its plot, and spelt in its field?

26 His God instructs him and teaches him the right way.

27 Caraway is not threshed with a sledge, nor is a cartwheel rolled over cummin; caraway is beaten out with a rod, and cummin with a stick.

28 Grain must be ground to make bread; so one does not go on threshing it forever. Though he drives the wheels of his threshing cart over it,

is horses do not grind it.

29 All this also comes from the Lord Almighty, wonderful in counsel and magnificent in wisdom.

ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

my notes:

section 16

When someone gets married they are indeed in the Lord’s eyes separated from their parents’ authority and should be treated like an adult whether they are actually mature or not genesis 3:23-24 numbers 30:6-15 . It could even be argued that when children become old enough to make marital decisions or reach sexual maturity that they should be treated in an adult way numbers 36:6 song of solomon 8:8 numbers 30:3-16 , but also a growing child (teen) should still have guardians even in the sexual maturing process according to their mature or immature responses song of solomon 8:9 ezekiel 16:7-8 while they remain in the household.

supporting scriptures

genesis 2:23-24

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man. ” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

my notes:

numbers 30:6-15

“If she marries after she makes a vow or after her lips utter a rash promise by which she obligates herself 7 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her, then her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. 8 But if her husband forbids her when he hears about it, he nullifies the vow that obligates her or the rash promise by which she obligates herself, and the Lord will release her.

9 “Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.

10 “If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath11 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. 12 But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the Lord will release her. 13 Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself. 14 But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them. 15 If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt.”

numbers 36:6

This is what the Lord commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within the tribal clan of their father.

song of solomon 8:8

We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for?

my notes:

numbers 30:3-16

“When a young woman still living in her father’s house makes a vow to the Lord or obligates herself by a pledge 4 and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. 5 But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the Lord will release her because her father has forbidden her.

6 “If she marries after she makes a vow or after her lips utter a rash promise by which she obligates herself 7 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her, then her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. 8 But if her husband forbids her when he hears about it, he nullifies the vow that obligates her or the rash promise by which she obligates herself, and the Lord will release her.

9 “Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.

10 “If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath11 and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. 12 But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the Lord will release her. 13 Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself. 14 But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them. 15 If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he is responsible for her guilt.”

16 These are the regulations the Lord gave Moses concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living in his house.

song of solomon 8:9

If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.

ezekiel 16:7-8

I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew up and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels. Your breasts were formed and your hair grew, you who were naked and bare.

8 “ ‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.

my notes:

section 17

Even if we perceive a teen/young adult immature and not truly ready for adult responsibility and freedom a parent should still treat them as an adult when they refuse the guardianship and authority of parents luke 15:12 . If a perceived child refuses to submit to the household authority matthew 23:27 they have made an adult decision and should no longer be treated with the guardianship or authority a child needs, but with the Biblical response to an adult. Just as an unbelieving spouse should be allowed the freedom to leave; so a rebellious child should be set free to experience the responsibilities and consequences of adulthood i corinthians 7:12-16 . Do not protect a rebel in rebellion; let them taste the fruit of their ways in hope that they will learn and turn back to the Lord jeremiah 2:19-20 hosea 10:12-13 , not that they come back to you as your child again, but rather as a sibling in the Lord philemon 1:15-16 .

supporting scriptures

luke 15:12

The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

matthew 23:27

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean.”

my notes:

i corinthians 7:12-16

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

jeremiah 2:19-20

Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the Lord your God and have no awe of me,” declares the Lord, the Lord Almighty.

hosea 10:12-13

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you.

13 But you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your own strength and on your many warriors,

philemon 1:15-16

Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good– 16 no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.